Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Hope in hopelessness.

Some days I get up feeling lost and purposeless. Make a cuppa tea and walk around pondering, what's next for my life. Some days it just feels hopeless. If I turn on the tv all the news seems hopeless, drive my daughter to school and get a speeding fine, hopeless, not working or feeling passion for anything, hopeless. Oh my,  what a day.......hopeless........

STOP !!!!!!!!!!!!

Its ok to have these days and we all have them , but it doesn't make it easy to be positive and enthusiastic about life. If I stop and look around and think about what I do have, friends, family, health, home, church, there's not really much to be hopeless about, right ?

We live in a society where we always want more, need more and think we deserve more, is this the root of hopelessness?

If I go out on the streets and see a homeless, family less, friendless, church-less, unhealthy, person that is cold, sleeping and living on the street, whether by choice or not, circumstances one way or another has gotten them there, is that more hopeless, I guess so, but does it take away my feelings of hopelessness, not really, WHY ???

Because until I am faced with that issue myself I cant really feel what its like for them. I cant feel what its like for a refugee leaving their country and home on a boat, with their children, just to try and keep them alive. I cant feel what its like to be the richest man in the world and have to deal with so much money and insecurity about who likes me for me and who just wants to know me for my status or the child that has been used in sex slavery, or the gorilla that was killed in the name of palm oil. The mother grieving over her child that has been beheaded in the street in cold blood for no reason other than religion, or just the average person getting on the train to go to work in a job that is meaningless and boring.

Don't we all deal with some form of hopelessness ??
Definition of hopelessness - 'the despair you feel when you have abandoned hope of comfort or success'.
I can imagine these situations, but I can't feel them, they can impact my heart when I read about them or see them on the news, I genuinely feel sad, but why are they so easily forgotten?

How can I say your hopelessness is more than mine? I can't deny the way I feel, I cant always push things aside, eventually they will build up and I will need to face them. I need to take care of my own hopelessness before I can feel someone else's. HOW??

God says 'Life is but a vapour", this tells me our life is short, so we should make the most of it, HE says "Do not fear", this tells me its going to be ok, just keep trying,  HE says "Seek and you shall find" this tells me if I search for anything - hope, happiness, purpose, truth, love  I will find it, HE says " I will fight for you" this tells me HE loves me and will do all He can to guide me, HE says "Be still and know" this tells me when I sit quietly and patiently and consciously with Him, He will show me what I need to see. HE says "For I know the plans I have for you, to give you a future and Hope" this tells me He already knows my future and my purpose, Trust in Him.

When I take care of myself I have eyes to see the hope in hopelessness. The women praying over the young man that was beheaded without fear of her own life - HOPE. People helping and loving each other after their houses have been torn down by the strong arm of mother nature - HOPE. People taking the time to cook a hot meal for the homeless - HOPE. Non profit organisations popping up everywhere to help those in sex slavery and having victories in saving some of those women and children - HOPE. Having the money to pay my speeding fine - HOPE. Getting a txt message or phone call from a friend to say 'just thinking of you' - HOPE. Even just the realisation that I have what I need and I am where I am supposed to be - HOPE.
Definition of Hope - A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

My hope or hopelessness is no less or more than yours, its whether or not we can see one inside the other.

Friday, 24 May 2013

Love Language

Love Language, what is that! Well I'm starting to understand that its not all about looovveee, but its about trying to understand the people around me. In the book The 5 Love languages, by Gary Chapman, has opened up a whole new thought process of relationships. The 5 love Languages listed are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch. I didn't really know which one I was,  but as I became more aware and talked about it with others I started to really look at what it was that made us feel loved. After thinking about all of them I think to some degree my Love language is all of them and for most people they probably are when we want affection from our husbands or partners, families...UNTIL...We started to do some light home renovation's and fix ups.

One day as we had some ideas of light home fix ups we went to good ol' Bunnings, shopped around, got what we needed and more, as you do in Bunnings, including a hot dog! When we got home Steve started to drill holes and get things happening, I was feeling really loved and happy, excited....UNTIL....work stopped and its now been a week and I have half finished holes in the walls. Its been this week I have really noticed my Love language, Acts of Service. I have begun to pout and have little digs about the unfinished work and feeling personally offended. I have realised that Im not feeling LOVED! This was important to me and not so much a big deal to him, until we recognised this being my Love Language and he could understand why I felt offended. When we looked back we realised that I feel really loved when he does things for me, even simply hanging out the washing, making a cuppa or even a back rub. These are all Acts of Service, then also realising that I like to do Acts of Service for others, cooking, being helpful, this also makes me feel happy, even though the others are important too, I definitely recognise this as my strongest Love Language.

I see this in other relationships too, with my daughter, I think her Love Language is Words of Affirmation and my mums is gifts. Imagine if we all new each others Love Languages, even the lady serving the coffee or the guy coming to fix the fridge, I wonder if we could better communicate and understand each other and our motives.

We seem to all have deep emotional feelings that trigger us off in different ways,(not even consciously). If only we could understand where it is each one of us is coming from and be more present and aware that we all have a Love Language.I wonder if relationships would be more accepted and understood, it certainly has helped Steve and I have a better understanding of each other and what is important to me matters to him and vice versa.

Recognising someone's Love Language gives an insight to who that person is and what makes them feel loved and honoured. Asking people close to you what they think their Love Language is and even if they don't know, we might see it in them and help them recognise it and then being able to be aware of it when we interact with them. I have found it hard at times to be completely endearing to Steve's  Love Language and him mine, but its ok, its just nice to recognise what can be driving some of our emotions and offences and being able to talk about them.

I feel God must know our Love Language, He wouldn't fulfil our desires or comfort us with such gentleness and understanding. Maybe this is why we begin to trust Him and find Joy in Him and want more of Him, he has taken the time to know our Love Language.


Thursday, 23 May 2013

Time to Begin

Its taken me 2 hours to set up this blog page, but considering its taken me 40 years to start my life journey that's not bad ha!. What is with the procrastinating of doing things. This is the second blog page I have started but this is the only one I have actually written on, just fear of letting go of my words, thoughts and ideas. WOW ! time to get started.

I've called this Blog The Sanctuary, I had an idea to rent a building and make it into a coffee shop, book store, creative space, prayer/meeting room, even a dance studio !! a place to come and chill and hangout and feel like you are in a Sanctuary, for a few minutes or a few hours. A space of freedom and creativity. I have this plan in my head, on paper and I have shared it with God, but for now, this is my starting place, who knows where this may lead. With God in the plan anything is possible, this is my experience anyway and I believe He has a plan for my life and this may not be His plan, it may look completely different but either way I know it will still be a Sanctuary and I'm ok with that. Sometimes I just wish he would give me a hint or hurry up,'Lord grant me patience, but hurry up' !!! 

A few years ago someone spoke the scripture Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" into my life. This scripture has come in my path quite a few times in the last few years, I know he has a plan for my life, the question is, am I ready? Am I ready to open myself to Him and trust Him to take my life where he wants it to go, I know it wont be an easy path and it has taken me a looong time to come to this, but He will fulfil my hearts desires. WOW exciting and scary at the same time. I have tried so many things in my life and all have been done in my own will, but none have sustained or made me happy. After burning out in business and life its time to surrender to myself, my past, my God. I'm ready for what He has in store for me, at the moment I don't feel its much just a lot of sitting and listening, God has no time limits, unfortunately.

Tomorrow will be another day closer to The Sanctuary, however that looks to God, I'm just happy to be where I am today, 'warts n all'. Its time to Begin Life, its time to face some fears.